The Manly Bathroom

Felicia’s (my fiancé) dad (Mike) cut (sawed) a (an indefinite article) hole (a void in the space time continuum) through (a preposition) our (OURS NOT YOURS, QUIT BEING SO SELFISH!) living room (we die if we exit the room, it’s very inconvenient) and (a conjunction) kitchen (the place where we have Wolfgang Puck tied up and forced into servitude, I mean… the place where we… um… have carrots. Lots of carrots.). In case you missed that first sentence, we have a pass through from our kitchen to our living room cut by Felicia’s dad. Not only did the pass through open up the kitchen but should ninjas attack while say for example, I am cooking carrots, I have an opening for a quick black flip to freedom.

I learned that a pass through is traditionally from the dining room to the kitchen. The food is passed through the kitchen to the dining room. The concept of a pass through can be used for many purposes like for example in the bathroom. Picture this, you’re in the bathroom after a cheeseburger eating contest, you set down Guns & Ammo and reach for the toilet paper. Empty! You reach into the cabinet, fifteen extra tubes of Tolnaftate cream, Old Spice, and that pizza you lost last week. None of those will be able to take a man like you. Waddling to the doorway, you call into the house “Honey, I need more shit catchers!”

“Why don’t you call it toilet paper?” Your wife inquires.

“I am a man’s man dear! I use shit catchers, brush my teeth with steel wool, and cut my hair with a buzz saw.”

Then of course you have to stand in the doorway, pants down, waiting for the toilet paper roll. Not very manly.

Imagine that transaction with a bathroom pass through. You put down Guns & Ammo, and yell “Honey, I need more shit catchers.”

Minutes later, a roll comes flying through the bathroom pass through. You catch it and weep remembering that touchdown you made in high school. Seventy five yards to fame baby. Yeah that’s manly alright. Because the bathroom pass through is a very manly concept. The house doesn’t tell you what to do, you tell the house what to do.

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3 Comments

  1. I’m reading this wondering,
    a) are you nostalgic for the football career you never had,
    b) planning to cut a window into the bathroom so that you never have to leave
    c) not actually in graduate school for playwriting, but rather for ninja training.

    The question, which (if not all) are true?

    Reply

    1. A. Yes to run freely through the astroturf once again for the first time
      B. Yes but don’t tell Felicia, I don’t think she’d go for it
      C. I’d tell you but that would spoil the purpose of super secret ninja agency (did you think Kamarie’s van was really just a van)

      Reply

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