The surviving members of The Who rocked the Super Bowl half time this weekend. How do they maintain their youthful vigor despite being old enough to have written their lyrics on this newfangled printing press? With the advancements of medical technology, traditional therapies, and preventative maintenance anyone can party like it’s 1999. Here is a list of helpful hints that will let you rock and roll all night and be in bed the next day.
1. Instead of a limo have an ambulance waiting for you after the game. Most microphone twirling hip injuries are best rectified by a trained technician.
2. Reserve a room at the hospital. The damage insurance rates for rock stars at hotels make hospital rooms competitive for any budget.
3. Image is important to a rock star. Put herbal remedies in booze bottles, crack pipes, and heroin syringes. You’ll maintain the hardcore look as well as your body.
4. Make sure the tour bus stops at organic farms. Fresh produce is the key to any healthy lifestyle. Try not to let your bass player decide to become one of the “tree folk” and miss the last half of the tour.
5. Hire yoga instructors instead of hookers. As we know yoga instructors are pretty fit. The public will still believe you are getting laid, when in fact you are practicing the windmill guitar stance.
6. All ingested bats should be free range. After all a happy bat is a healthy bat.
7. The most important tip to keep that youthful flair is regular exams. Early detection is the key to help all sorts of problems such as releasing an awful album past the band’s prime, “fresh” approaches to the band’s image, and past self revulsion syndrome (such as Mark Wahlberg, when asked about Marky Mark).