Insurgent Wedding Extravaganza

In the wide world of wedding planning, we recently discovered that the cost of marriage in the Caribbean is affordable. This turn of event planning, came about when my fiancé was looking at the Island chain where her job owns a facility. She briefly mused about the prospects of transferring to an island paradise. Whilst browsing the tourism bureau for St. Kitts, an affordable marriage section caught her eye.  For those of you familiar with weddings, they are expensive. Waking up in a bathtub full of ice water, missing a kidney is a viable financing option for most matrimony packages. When my wife to be, showed me the price, I was shocked.

My thoughts roughly went, could it really be that cheap? In the Caribbean? Normal people can’t afford a tropical paradise wedding, only rich people or contestants on the Bachelor! There is probably a guerilla freedom fighter base right next to the hotel so they can ransom the newly weds. I wonder if there is hostage reality television shows.

Announcer: Which one of these hostages will survive the Kill the Capitalist Pig Dog Show!  This year, we have the newly weds from America, a British journalist, and a entire Swedish football team!

Announcer 2: Looks like they can’t remain neutral anymore, Ted!

Then my thoughts started conjuring up chocolate and I ate lunch. Back from lunch, I looked at the St. Kitts travel website. The island is a beautiful place for a wedding. Truly a way for the common folk, to have a wedding out of a television fantasy (Picture a beach at sunset, sublime music, and a polar bear. Why is the polar bear on the island! We don’t know! That’s the mystery) . St. Kitts is definitely high on the list of wedding destinations. To ease the cold war era General of Paranoia, that pokes occasionally out of the bunker in the back of my head, I researched St. Kitts on the US travel alert site. The island is not only fun but also a safe place to get hitched. Which is important, for those that like the idea of a wedding being the start of a new long and healthy life together.

The abroad warning website lead me to another idea that won’t change the world. Budget weddings in worn torn countries! The travel brochure could go like this:

Want to spice up that stale wedding? Does the slurred speech of a distant relative that no one likes sound uncomfortable? Are you a commando? Try the war torn country wedding package! Really learn about your partner as you are air dropped into the middle of a country in civil disarray! Race for your life to the border, via fun urban and wilderness combat! Share a 4 foot by 4 foot cell in an scenic insurgent camp. Preform life saving venom extraction on your partner after snake pits of fun! Find out how much they really love you, when you loose a limb and must be dragged through a live mine field under heavy fire.

Packages are available for the whole family. Get matching bride’s maid fatigues. See how grandma is with those hand grenades. The cutest little flower girl medic will hop up dad with some morphine after the “dance” with a pit fighting boss. If that relative, whom no one likes, really wants to come, let him, you might need to give the insurgents a member of your party when negotiating your freedom. Human ear necklaces, and scars that run deep man, they run deep, are great keepsakes. Keep reliving moments of your special day over and over again with our special violent outburst flashback add on! Sign up today and get the war torn baby shower package free!

Published by aaronfrale

Aaron Frale has been writing comedy for years. He won "Best Writer" as co-writer for a feature film called Hamlet: The Vampire Slayer at the B-Movie Film Fest in New York. You can check out an in depth review of Hamlet from the film critic Obscurus Lupa. Various plays, sketches, and films written by Aaron have been lurking about the Albuquerque scene. In May 2010 he received a Masters of Fine Arts in Dramatic Writing from the University of New Mexico. Music is another one of his past times. His rock band, Spiral, was rated 9 out of 10 by the DPRP for their 2011 release The Capital in Ruins. He currently resides with his wife, Felicia, and a small black dog that thinks he is a giant black dog.. Check out his personal humor blog at: and his rock band:

2 thoughts on “Insurgent Wedding Extravaganza

  1. Saint Kitts is definitely stunning! Tranquil, unspoilt and gorgeous! However, it’s definitely a mistake to think that you cant have affordable, luxury weddings on other islands!

    In Jamaica, for instance, here at Hummingbird Hall ( we pride ourselves on being an affordable (stylish and chic!!) alternative to chain-hotel weddings.

    There are well priced destination wedding locations in most of the Caribbean islands, the key is just to delve a little further into google 🙂

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