According to Stephen Hawking, aliens may pose a threat to Earth. What are the details of this alien menace? Science Fiction has the answers. Don’t worry CIA, I’m figuring out all this stuff so you don’t have too!
1. Wall-E and Eve. They seem cute, but Eve can incinerate a tank with a built-in gun. Wall-E is pretty good at stitching together robots. How long before the robot armies?
2. The pug from the Men in Black movies. Quirky, fast-mouth dogs? Humans already feed dogs everyday, follow them around picking up their shit, etc. Dogs don’t even need to go out and find a job to supply income for the family! The enslaving of humanity is almost complete.
3. Alf. That lovable alien muppet from the eighties? How is he a threat? He eats cats! What would we do without cats? There would be no stirring number about “no cats in America” from American Tail.
4. The cell phone towers which are designed to look like trees. Not exactly Science Fiction but an alien plot nonetheless. They look like a poorly devised scheme at mind control devices with an alien’s closest approximation of a tree. Like the aliens are sitting in a spaceship cackling at their own genius meanwhile two old men sit outside a convenient store looking at one of the towers.
Old Man One: Looks like a mind control device.
Old Man Two: Yep.
5. Mork and Mindy. Who better to coop the government than Robin Williams? He is a master of disguise! No one will suspect when the wacky Mrs. Doubtfire is hired to be the nanny of Obama’s kids! (however Mr. Williams will be thwarted when Obama’s kids teach him a lesson or two about life).
6. Wesley Crusher becomes an omnipotent being in an episode of The Next Generation. How is that not a threat to the universe?
7. The Terminator, Governor of California, I know there is a joke in there that has been done fifteen hundred times.
8. Aliens from Avatar and The Blue Man Group have striking similarities. A little too striking, if the oil spill isn’t cleaned up soon, I fear there might be a dance off.
9. Geico Lizard. Small, kind of creepy. What do we really know about this lizard anyway? Seems kind of shifty to me. Has to be up to something. Or maybe you feed him after midnight and all hell breaks loose.
10. Arguably the biggest threat the planet ever had to face, The Teletubbies. Don’t know how we survived that one.
Time Burrito 