1. Shave your head and sing hymns about household cleaning products. Build a temple.
2. Worship Jehovah’s Witnesses and give them fliers to join your Jehovah’s Witnesses Missionary cult.
3. Teen boy band cult. “We always thought he had too many posters in his room.”
4. Eleanor Rigby cult, only to secure yet another Netflix Beatles documentary.
5. Become a famous sci fi writer, create a world religion, get celebrity endorsements, oh wait… too late on that one.
6. Listen to your music really loud. Tell your parents, “One day, I’ll have a whole group of followers that will understand.”
7. Order of the blurred Zoom background. Claim the gift of foresight, beyond the blur!
8. The first church of Danza, then you can claim to really know “Who’s The Boss?”
9. Purchase giant funny glasses. Pretend to read passages in the bible written in between the lines and move to Utah.
10. Take advantage of Goths writing poetry in a graveyard at midnight by dressing up as undead.
11. Heart failure cult through $1 fast food deals.
12. Create a church of canceled Netflix shows, and never run out of programs to show on Sunday mass.
13. Rewrite heavy metal lyrics to sound like ancient wisdom. “Holy Diver,” Thus spoke the prophet Dio,
14. Pee yourself. Encourage your followers to do the same. Then laugh and say, “I can’t believe you did that!”
15. Use the federal tax guidelines as your bible. Claim to be the only person to really understand the hidden meaning in tax law.
16. Declare a tree in your backyard as a country. Build a tree fort. Put a sign on the outside that says “NO FBI AGENTS ALLOWED.”
17. “Derobing” ceremonies.
18. Match star patterns to positions U2 were on stage at their last concert. Claim Bono only wears shades because he doesn’t want the world to know about his otherworldly heritage.
19. A tortured soul cult. The temple is a coffee shop; the holy symbol a guitar.
20. The Jim and Bridget Jones’ diary.
21. A television commercial cult with streaming services cast as Satan and his disciples.
22. The largest family minute sharing plan from T-Mobile. The high priestess changes with each new spokesperson.
23. Rename your taco stand heaven.
24. Watch corporate motivational and training videos over and over. Suicide optional.
25. Worships every prophet. Draw mullets on the pictures of the prophets. Call the cult the Baha’ir.
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