Since the beginning of 2011, every morning on the way to work a strange Uncle Sam mouse guy was always trying to get me to purchase his tax scheme. He looked like a generic form of Mickey Mouse (kind of like the way brands like Mountain Lightning look like a generic form of Mountain Dew). The eyes of the suit were designed in such a way that I could swear they were looking right at me.
While I passed, I always imagined the guy saying, “Alright Kia, today’s the day you will do your taxes.”
And every day I responded, “But my dad’s an accountant! I’ve already done my taxes!”
Last week, I saw the guy take off the giant mouse head and walk dejectedly back through the parking lot. Somehow the victory over the allure of the mouse guy’s tax simplicity was a hallow victory. This guy had been diligently parading for the last four months with giant hands, statues of liberty, and an army of roadside tax oddities.
Let’s take a moment of silence for these unspoken heroes.
Let’s take the next moment to think about an unemployment line full of mice, statues of liberty, and the others.
Unemployment Worker: What skills do you have?
Statue of Liberty: I can scream at traffic.
UW: Any other non village crazy guy skills?
SL: I have foamy spikes on my head.
UW: Um right… well um… here’s your unemployment.
SL: Great, I’ll see you next year.
UW: Next. Name?
Mouse Guy: Uncle Sam Mouse Guy.
UW: What skills do you have?
MG: I will end that Kia.
And that folks is why you should never trust a mouse dressed like Uncle Sam.