It broke! My bad!

Albuquerque is the filming location of In Plain Sight and Breaking Bad. For those of you living in a bubble that prevents access to the outside world, they are about witness protection and a high school chemistry teacher meth-cooker.  Of course, if you are living in a bubble without access to the outside, I’m not quite sure how you are reading my blog. In fact, I don’t even know if you know the term “blog” or even why the first paragraph of this post is dedicated to you. It should be though. You are stuck in a bubble! Through determination and force of will, you managed to escape the prison and now are on the outside! We welcome you and celebrate your ingenuity! This is the world my friend! Be free!

Screeeeeeeeech! Crash! Thud!

Oops. Should have told him about buses. I guess I really fucked that one up…

When I went to the grocery store the other day, there was a sign in the parking lot that read “IPS”. There were city police and a whole slew of people. Being a veteran of the media arts (I did co-write the prestigious Hamlet: The Vampire Slayer which will be remembered by a couple of people as the funniest movie they ever saw, thanks mom & dad), I knew exactly what was happening. The band, Insane Posse Sickos, was about to have a rival concert with their nemesis ICP (not to be confused with IBC – Insane Beer Clowns or HPV – Hydra Possessed Vegans). Being a big fan of good music, I decided to go shopping.

While I was shopping, I figured that Albuquerque really has two shows that really help each other. Those that eventually get in enough trouble with meth from Breaking Bad could eventually join the witness protection of In Plain Sight. Although for anyone who has lived here, Albuquerque is misleadingly large.

If the world knows each other by six degrees, everyone in Albuquerque knows each other by at least two. My friends write this funny (you should go watch it) web series. A student of mine watched it before she took my class. My neighbor is my wife’s ex’s best friend’s sister. My wife found a band on craigslist that needed a fiddle player. She wanted to make sure the founder of the band wasn’t a creep so she searched him on facebook. She was surprised to find out he was friends with me, my mom and my sister! Turns out he was a buddy of mine from high school that I hadn’t seen in years.

This is why characters seeking witness protection from Breaking Bad is an idea that won’t change the world. In a city where everyone knows everybody else, witness protection has a tendency to stand out. I can imagine Walter White with a new identity in a pet store.

Customer: Walter? My kid loved your chemistry class!

Walter: (bad European accent) My name is job.

Customer: Decided to give up high school? They can be murder. Anyway, I got this parrot.

Walter: (bad European accent) Job! My name is job! (pissed) Oh come on! You have me acting in some awful can’t think of your own original idea comedy sketch! I won an Emmy!

Thud! Whack! Thump!

Morgan Freeman: I wish I could tell you that Aaron fought the good fight, and Bryan Cranston let him be. I wish I could tell you that – but Albuquerque is no fairy-tale world. He never said who did it, but we all knew. Things went on like that for awhile – Albuquerque life consists of routine, and then more routine. Every so often, Aaron would show up with fresh bruises. Bryan Cranston kept at him – sometimes he was able to fight him off, sometimes not. And that’s how it went for Aaron – that was his routine. I do believe those first two years were the worst for him, and I also believe that if things had gone on that way, this place would have got the best of him. I won an Oscar.

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