Today is Rapture Day and I think we spend too much time focusing on the negative. Why not focus on the positive! Here some great things that will happen after the Rapture:
1. No more missionaries knocking on your door when you have something else you’d rather be doing. You will never have to explain to anyone why drinking beer in your underpants is part of your religious ideology.
2. Rapture can now be a word that everyone loves: the combination of Rap and Overture.
3. Schools can finally teach evolution. As an added bonus, people will finally stop arguing via bumper emblems.
4. Gay people of the world, it’s now truly OK to be gay! Jesus will finally get a chance to tell people that a guy doesn’t keep twelve good looking dudes around at all times for “intellectual companionship”.
5. Stem Cell Research will finally get a chance to save lives. I think Family Guy really sums up this one:
6. Planned Parenthood can now have a friendly inviting front lawn. Protests will be used for noble causes like hiring people to hold the “Shame On” banners for not using union workers.
7. My wife says the post rapture days sales will have plenty of deals. I’m sure Kohl’s already has a flyer.
8. Hotels will now have copies of the unofficial Marky Mark biography instead of the bible.
9. Finally! A way to design a moral structure for society in the year 2011 rather than the year zero!
10. Even if the rapture really did happen today, I don’t think anyone would really notice. Consider all the different Christian based religions out there with different heaven entry requirements. There is probably only one or two people that have fulfilled all of them.
Jim: Where did Bob go?
Fred: I think he’s on vacation.
Jim: He always talked about going to Costa Rica.