10 Black Friday Shopping Tips

1. Don’t do it. Really — it’s not worth it.

2. If you must, bring a bazooka for help with parking, lines, and the sales person who insists the product they are saving in the back for all their friends is already purchased.

3. A commando style getting ready montage usually helps.

4. Ask the local drug dealer if they have any Black Friday specials. The extra pep will help you get through day.

5. Setup a tent outside the UPS store. Tell people, “Gonna get me those Black Friday deals, yep.”

6. Hire a demolition derby mechanic to trick out your shopping cart.

7. Don’t shop at any store that benefits the 1%. See point 1.

8. Complain about the lack of a Planned Parenthood Black Friday event.

9. Use the computer at Best Buy to shop online.

10. Hire washed up celebrities to shop for you. Trust me, the Olsen twins, MC Hammer and the guy that played Atreyu need the work.

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