10 Black Friday Shopping Tips

1. Don’t do it. Really — it’s not worth it.

2. If you must, bring a bazooka for help with parking, lines, and the sales person who insists the product they are saving in the back for all their friends is already purchased.

3. A commando style getting ready montage usually helps.

4. Ask the local drug dealer if they have any Black Friday specials. The extra pep will help you get through day.

5. Setup a tent outside the UPS store. Tell people, “Gonna get me those Black Friday deals, yep.”

6. Hire a demolition derby mechanic to trick out your shopping cart.

7. Don’t shop at any store that benefits the 1%. See point 1.

8. Complain about the lack of a Planned Parenthood Black Friday event.

9. Use the computer at Best Buy to shop online.

10. Hire washed up celebrities to shop for you. Trust me, the Olsen twins, MC Hammer and the guy that played Atreyu need the work.

Published by aaronfrale

Aaron Frale has been writing comedy for years. He won "Best Writer" as co-writer for a feature film called Hamlet: The Vampire Slayer at the B-Movie Film Fest in New York. You can check out an in depth review of Hamlet from the film critic Obscurus Lupa. Various plays, sketches, and films written by Aaron have been lurking about the Albuquerque scene. In May 2010 he received a Masters of Fine Arts in Dramatic Writing from the University of New Mexico. Music is another one of his past times. His rock band, Spiral, was rated 9 out of 10 by the DPRP for their 2011 release The Capital in Ruins. He currently resides with his wife, Felicia, and a small black dog that thinks he is a giant black dog.. Check out his personal humor blog at: https://wontchangetheworld.com/ and his rock band: http://thespiral.bandcamp.com/ View more posts

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