People seem to have the wrong focus in our country. Some news stories make headlines while the more important ones go overlooked. Who really cares about the president supporting gay marriage when important issues like dinosaur flatulence are being hotly debated by scientists. Sure, North Carolina has decided to waive their ass at civil rights and make second class citizens out of LGBT’s by amending their constitution against gay marriage, but what’s more important? The ass of a dinosaur or the ass of North Carolina?
The answer is obvious, dinosaurs! They can crush cars, eat scientists, and even make cups of water ripple. North Carolina can’t do any of that! So what if a couple has lived in a faithful committed relationship can’t get a tax break because they are the same sex? Dinosaurs could destroy the planet!
Three story fart factories
- If you think I am kidding, scientists basically theorize the global temperature was warmer during Dino times because of their farts. That’s pretty scary considering what a dinosaur would do if unleashed on the unwitting populace. You think not being able to have decision power if your same sex partner goes to the hospital is bad? Try an army of farting T-Rexs!
We really should be mailing our senators to warn them about Dino flatulence rather than worrying about what people do to show their love for each other. If farts can cause havoc, imagine what Dino poop would cause! Cities would be decimated if your pet raptor got into the trash and ate all your left over chili cheese dogs! The poopocalypse is way more troublesome than married gay couples trying to turn everyone else gay (because that’s what would happen, trust me on this, I have lots of experience in baseless claims). Compare these two scenarios:
The doorbell rings. A clean cut man answers. There is a GayHovah’s Witness couple at the door.
GayHovah’s Witness: Have you ever thought of the power of gay?
GayHovah’s Witness 2: I dance!
Man: No thanks, my wife and I are atheists.
GayHovah’s Witness: The good Gaylord, the owner of Pink Pumpers 80’s Club on 4th, loves everyone! And wants to save you.
GayHovah’s Witness 2: We dance!
Man: No seriously…
GayHovah’s Witness: Can we at least leave literature at the door?
Man (reading): Why everyone is gay and doesn’t know it? Hey! I look good in purple. That doesn’t make me gay.
GayHovah’s Witness: See honey, everyone is gay.
GayHovah’s Witness 2: We dance! Dance! Come Dance!
Man: Oh.. but… fine!
He dances with them. Two Jehovah’s Witnesses come to the door.
Jehovah’s Witness: Looks like those gays got to him first. We better start bugging people at bus stops.
A man walking his Diplodocus stands next to a couple of stories high pile of shit. A police officer approaches.
Man: Mr. Pique. What did you do?
Police Officer: You going to clean that up or will I have to cite you?
Man: I didn’t bring any bags.
A woman climbs out of the pile. She gasps for breath.
Woman: There is an elementary school in there! You need to save them.
The police officer’s radio crackles.
Radio: We have a 212 in progress.
Police Officer: I’m on it.
Woman: Where are you going? What about the children?
Police Officer: 212 is code for gay marriage in progress.
Woman: Oh no.. You better go…
Police officer dashes away.
Man: I am certainly glad he is stopping those gays.
Woman: I know. We wouldn’t want our children to learn any warped morals likes it’s OK to love.
Man: Say, you want to get married?
Woman: Only if you beat me and get divorced in 3 years after we have two kids!
Man: Deal. So here is some Dino lessons. Never feed them after midnight. They may shit on your house during the night…
They walk away. A kid climbs from the poo gasping for breath.
We need to get issues like dinosaur farts in the open. Mainly because you don’t want to be in a room with a dinosaur when it farts.