15 Better Ways to Yell Drunkenly From Your Balcony

While I was walking down the street today at roughly 11 am, a drunk man wielding a beer beer bottle yelled at me from his apartment. Aside the from the severe case of alcoholism implied with an 11 am binge, the man had some serious issues. And by serious, I mean failed to articulate anything to me besides, “Hey… Hey… Hey… Guy… Guy… Guy… Hey… Hey…” Communication is a gift that many squander so I think it’s my duty to provide help with this issue. So I now present to you 15 Better Ways to Yell Drunkenly From Your Balcony.

1. “Hey… Hey… Guy… Guy… I have a method for you to make money from your own home. Guy… Hey… Hey… It’s only two hours of work a week. Hey… Guy… HAHA made you look! I don’t have any money making ideas. I’m just yelling drunkenly.”

2. “Hey… Guy… I just saved money on my car insurance… It’s a shame they took my license away for drinking so much.”

3. “Did you know that sea levels are expected to rise by 18 feet due to global warming? Do you think that my pee will affect it? I really got to pee!”

4. “Who do you think would win in a bar fight? Chuck Norris or Jackie Chan? Chuck can end anyone with one fist but Jackie kicks ass with props. There are a ton of props inside a bar. I can be a Drunken Master…”

5. “Speaking of a bar fight… Mitt Romney and Barack Obama. A guy named Mitt is probably a marine that eats people for breakfast. Obama sounds like some ancient fighting style. Dude… I think I’m going to puke.”

6.”If I puke from a balcony, will it dent the sidewalk? I heard if you drop a penny from way high, it will cause black holes and end the world. Or is that the Large Hadron Collider?”

7. “Hey… Guy… I’m feeling very venerable right now. Will you hold me? Not like gay hold me but hold me. Comfort me. It’s a crazy world out there.”

8. “What the fuck, bro! I wanted you to hold me!”

9. “Hey… guy…  I’m sorry bro. I often mistake other men for my father. Dude, seriously bro, I only drink to numb the pain.”

10. “Dude… Guy… Do you think I can be a cage fighter? I can totally kick… people’s… I’m dizzy.”

11. “Guy… I don’t even know you but I already feel like you’re my best friend. Look at all the stuff we have in common. I’m on a balcony and you’re on the street.”

12. “Don’t you fuck with my friend. He’s walking on my sidewalk! THAT’S MY SIDEWALK!”

13. “Sorry guy, that Prius was looking at you funny. I can kick the ass of any car that goes down this street.”

14. “Hey… guy… you want to come up for a bit and drink some beers while I cry about where my life went wrong?”

15. “Fuck you guy! Just keep walking! You are not the only pedestrian who walks down my block!”

Published by aaronfrale

Aaron Frale has been writing comedy for years. He won "Best Writer" as co-writer for a feature film called Hamlet: The Vampire Slayer at the B-Movie Film Fest in New York. You can check out an in depth review of Hamlet from the film critic Obscurus Lupa. Various plays, sketches, and films written by Aaron have been lurking about the Albuquerque scene. In May 2010 he received a Masters of Fine Arts in Dramatic Writing from the University of New Mexico. Music is another one of his past times. His rock band, Spiral, was rated 9 out of 10 by the DPRP for their 2011 release The Capital in Ruins. He currently resides with his wife, Felicia, and a small black dog that thinks he is a giant black dog.. Check out his personal humor blog at: https://wontchangetheworld.com/ and his rock band: http://thespiral.bandcamp.com/

3 thoughts on “15 Better Ways to Yell Drunkenly From Your Balcony

    1. Drunk Dictionary –
      Heyyyyy – I’m drunk
      Woo – I’m drunk
      Hey Baby – I’m drunk
      Paaarty – I’m drunk
      I’m sooooo wasted – I only took a sip to keep up appearances.

      1. Of course. I must be out of practice, although it feels like just yesterday. Thanks for the fun blog.

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