2012 Apocalypse Election

With the election not too far away, I wanted to give you my professional unbiased analysis of this year’s presidential candidates. And by professional, I mean some guy sitting at a computer. And by unbiased, I mean outrageously slanted. And by analysis, I mean that I’m completely making everything up.

Gay Marriage:

Obama: Had the balls to come out and say it. It’s about fucking time.

Romney: Sexual repression is not funny nor should you be laughing.

Healthcare:

Obama: Takes long overdue action to provide a service that most of the first world does for free.

Romney: Likes foreclosed houses from overdue medical bills.

Taxes:

Obama: Doesn’t use them to get rich people richer.

Romney: 1% of the wealth staying in the hands of the wealthy works great! Just look at what the banks did with it! I mean… the automotive industry… the pharmaceuticals… the real estate market… um… crap.

Energy:

Obama: Supports a system that won’t choke the planet.

Romney: Did we learn nothing from Enron??!?

Supreme Court:

Obama: Most likely to appoint Samuel L. Jackson as Supreme Court Justice.*

Romney: Most likely to appoint Arnold Schwarzenegger as Supreme Court Justice.*

*Though we here at Ideas That Won’t Change the World would like to see them battle it out for the seat. And not to give an unfair advantage but we’d like to see it on a mother fucking plane.

2012 Apocalypse:

Obama: Most likely to prevent it with policies that favor humans over greed.

Romney: Most likely to cause it. But not how you think. It’s a baking accident. Very messy…

Facebook:

Obama: 27,301,803 likes in a demographic too apathetic to vote.

Romney: 2,342,058 likes in a demographic thankfully too apathetic to vote.

Published by aaronfrale

Aaron Frale has been writing comedy for years. He won "Best Writer" as co-writer for a feature film called Hamlet: The Vampire Slayer at the B-Movie Film Fest in New York. You can check out an in depth review of Hamlet from the film critic Obscurus Lupa. Various plays, sketches, and films written by Aaron have been lurking about the Albuquerque scene. In May 2010 he received a Masters of Fine Arts in Dramatic Writing from the University of New Mexico. Music is another one of his past times. His rock band, Spiral, was rated 9 out of 10 by the DPRP for their 2011 release The Capital in Ruins. He currently resides with his wife, Felicia, and a small black dog that thinks he is a giant black dog.. Check out his personal humor blog at: https://wontchangetheworld.com/ and his rock band: http://thespiral.bandcamp.com/

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