We Need Just a Liter or Six

Last night was like a Doctor Who episode. My students were called out of the classroom to help the medical assisting students practice their blood drawing skills. Of course, my school really is a career college and not an alien plot to experiment on human test subjects… right? RIGHT?

The cast

When I see one of these folks running down the halls at my school, I’ll know…

Aside from the fact that a civilization advanced enough for interstellar space flight experimenting on a civilization that has barely left their solar system is rather silly.  Aliens really don’t need subterfuge to experiment on the public. All they really need is to make a reality television show.

People really will do anything to be on television. I’d imagine there will be droves of volunteers for shows like “What’s my Radiation Tolerance?”, “All Your Internal Organs Are Showing”, and “Human Centipede Big Brother”. People do really strange things for free without being on television. What if the aliens could guarantee that they would be streamed by millions of viewers?

Imagine a school. Wired with cameras. Aliens lurking through the halls. A light flickers off and on. Then a little note appears on bottom of the screen. “Who do think will bite it this week? #WeeklyDeath Tweet now!” But I am guessing the Doctor will bring down the whole television system if that really did happen. Who’s the doctor I am talking about? Doctor Whaz of course. He is the doctor you get when you can’t afford the rights to Doctor Who.

Doctor Whaz: There be aliens in this house, bitches!

Bitches: Oh… oh… Doctor. Oh no… Let us massage you.

Doctor Whaz: Hang on bitches, there be enough doctor lovin’ to go around.

Bitch: Can I fondle your penis?

Doctor Whaz: Now we are talkin’

Student: An alien is sucking my brain.

Doctor Whaz: Always when I’m making love! Give me my sonic bling.

Alien: Join us Doctor! Even though my plan is philosophically against everything you believe in, I will pretty much try to appeal to you in what seems like a reasonable request according to my warped sense of logic!

Doctor Whaz: Tempting but I rather drink forties with my hoes.

The sonic bling is just too much for the alien and it explodes!

Student: Thanks! What kind of doctor are you again?

Doctor Whaz: I am the doctor of love, and the doctor is in!

Student: Whaz that…

Doctor Whaz: Come on bitches! Back to the TARDIMP.

Student: The TARDIMP?

Doctor Whaz: The Time and Relative Dimension in my Pants!

The time travel noise is rather bassy and sounds strangely like a party…

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