Why LA Will Never Be Destroyed

Soon, my wife and I will be visiting the city that is destroyed in almost every disaster movie — LA. However, I really don’t think LA will ever be destroyed like in the movies.  Here are some typical city destruction scenarios and what LA will do about it:

Tsunami – Lady Gaga’s hair will quickly be mobilized to create a seawall rendering the oncoming wave completely enamored with her quirky sensibility. Though the wave will later be caught up in a stalking drama. Only after Lady Gaga and the wave have a stern conversation about what makes the wave unique will the wave leave her be and cruise on over to the third world. That’s how America keeps the export our problems to the third world business strong.

Earthquake – Although most believe a 10.0 is eventually how LA will fall into the ocean, the city has a secret weapon. Action stars, Sylvester Stallone, Vin Diesel, and Steven Seagal have coordinated a dance routine which involves jumping the opposite direction of the earthquake thus quelling the churning Earth.

Volcano – While Tommy Lee Jones has already figured this one out years ago, he is getting up there in years. City officials will probably just toss the entire cast of Twilight into the boiling caldera to appease the fire gods. If that doesn’t work, there are a couple of boy bands that might do the trick. Trust me, there are many options for volcanic sacrifices. Expect humor writers… lava deities don’t like them… too salty.

Tommy Lee Appeasing Fire Gods
Ummm… Tommy? Why are we heading toward the caldera?

Tornado – Despite being far from tornado country, Bill Paxton will know what to do. Why? Bill Paxton always knows what to do. That’s just what he does. Takes care of business. Do people thank him? Nope, but he keeps going anyway. He is after all, Bill Paxton.

Hurricane/Typhoon – All the money flowing in from the Dodgers would normally stifle the energy of the storm rendering it a gentle breeze. After the 2011 bankruptcy of the team, the state had to contract the hurricane protection to illegal immigrants. No, they aren’t throwing illegal immigrants at the hurricane, sicko. They are replacing the Dodgers with illegal immigrants as a cost saving measure.

Alien Invasion – In-N-Out Burger.

Published by aaronfrale

Aaron Frale has been writing comedy for years. He won "Best Writer" as co-writer for a feature film called Hamlet: The Vampire Slayer at the B-Movie Film Fest in New York. You can check out an in depth review of Hamlet from the film critic Obscurus Lupa. Various plays, sketches, and films written by Aaron have been lurking about the Albuquerque scene. In May 2010 he received a Masters of Fine Arts in Dramatic Writing from the University of New Mexico. Music is another one of his past times. His rock band, Spiral, was rated 9 out of 10 by the DPRP for their 2011 release The Capital in Ruins. He currently resides with his wife, Felicia, and a small black dog that thinks he is a giant black dog.. Check out his personal humor blog at: https://wontchangetheworld.com/ and his rock band: http://thespiral.bandcamp.com/

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: