A New Day For Women’s Rights

Women have reached a whole new level of liberation! Equal salary? Human rights in male dominated societies? A focus on the person rather than body image? A bikini that injects Botox? No… the ability to walk freely in the wild during their menstrual cycle and avoid bear attacks.

Recent scientific discovery has proven that bears will not target women because of their period. So a woman can take that camping trip during that time of the month when her husband usually uses it as an excuse to go fishing. She can cover her dead beat husband and that cheating bitch with food in their sleep, and watch as they are mauled to death by the bear who has no interest in feminine hygiene. She can come back one month later and not fear any bear attack while she waits for the insurance investigator to declare that big fat life insurance check legally hers.

Rejoice women of the world! Yogi is not interested in your menstruation! Sounds like we need a tampon commercial! 

There are bears outside! Cross your legs!

 A group of women sit at a coffee shop. They really enjoy life.

Francina: Have you ever noticed that whenever we go to a coffee shop we talk about women specific issues?

Evelina: (giggles) It’s because we are care free and enjoy life!

Lindalina: We don’t let things like tampons stop us from enjoying life!

Fredicalina: But do your tampons prevent bear attacks?

Evelina: (giggles) I enjoy life!

Fredicalina: That’s nice dear.

Lindalina: My tampon prevents bear attacks and as well as leaves me with a warm fresh feeling inside.

Lindalina pulls out a suit of armor with a tampon in the crotch region. Fredicalina pushes the suit of armor away and pulls out a normal tampon.

Fredicalina: Throw that old tampon away! Science has proven that Cloudie Tampons will prevent bear attacks and are especially designed for women on the go!

Evelina looses control with giggling.

Evelina: I … hee hee… ha… ha… enjoy… he… he… ha.. enjoy… he… ha… life.

Fredicalina: Shut… up.

Evelina: He…

Fredicalina shoots Evelina.

Lindalina: Wow! This is a great tampon and I don’t feel that I have to be embarrassed by it.

Francina: I know. Tampons can be so embarrassing. Check mine out.

Francina stands up. There is something in her skirt big enough to knock over the table and all the dishes crash to the ground.

Francina: A bear can’t get through this!

Bears maul Francina. Fredicalina tosses a tampon to Lindalina. They “sword fight” the bears…

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