15 Ways to get More Voters

Typical voter turn out for polling places without fully stocked bars.

More Americans should vote. The team at Ideas That Won’t Change the World (by team I mean me) have generated a slew of  methods to ensure this election has an unprecedented voter turn out.

1. Threaten to execute small puppies if people don’t vote. Though this tactic will skew an election to the Democrats.

2. Threaten to take away the guns of everyone who doesn’t vote. Though this tactic will skew an election to the Republicans.

3. Threaten to kill Justin Bieber if people don’t vote. Though this tactic will skew an election to the 13-year-old girl party.

4. Make sure that voting causes cancer and sponsor it with iconic images of cowboys and cartoon Llamas.

Testosterone Man: After a tough day of rounding up bulls with my fist, I relax with a cool, refreshing vote. Oh god…

Larry Llama: What?

Testosterone Man: My lungs are disintegrating…

Testosterone Man dies.

Larry Llama: Sucks to be you! Hey ladies, I’m a sex symbol that votes.

Lady: Dating a llama human hybrid is kind of creepy.

Camel Joe: Saweet! Back in the game. Hey ladies…

Lady: A camel man is kind of creepy too.

An overweight man dressed as a Furry eating Cheetos enters.

Lady: Now that’s hot baby!

5. Three words: Happy Ending Voting.

6. Offer free dates from dating reality TV show rejects.

Jenna: Why doesn’t he love ME? WE’VE KNOWN EACH FOR TWO DAYS! HE SHOULD LOVE ME! WHERE IS MY RING!

Dude: Um… I’m just here to vote…

7. Ritalin infused ice cream for the kids.

8. Count the Facebook “like” button as votes.

9. If you vote, you can take a b-rated celebrity home.

Voter: Man, I got Steven Baldwin last year.

10. Pro-wrestlers and large breasted women should give the lectures on civic duty.

11. Pick fights on message boards. Insist that people who don’t vote are so GAY. Insult their manhood. Because those tactics work!

12. Since it’s a well known fact that more Americans vote in American Idol than the Presidential election, hold American Idol style elections. The judges will be Noam Chomsky, Michael Moore, and Rush Limbaugh.

Rush Limbaugh: I hate you.

Michael Moore: I hate you.

Rush Limbaugh: I hate you.

Michael Moore: I hate you.

Rush Limbaugh: I hate you.

Michael Moore: I hate you.

Noam Chomsky: Guys, guys, can’t we all just get along?

Michael Moore and Rush Limbaugh touch fists.

Michael Moore and Rush Limbaugh: Extremist political ideology active! Form of Rhetoric!

Michael Moore turns into Fahrenheit 911. Rush Limbaugh turns into The Way Things Ought to Be.

13. Allow internet porn sites to be a voting venue.

14. Turn voting into a Ponzi scheme.

15. The best way to encourage people to vote: Beer.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s