10 Ways to Escape Jury Duty

Here are some fun ways to get out of jury duty… and probably spend some time in prison.

1. Claim that you are an alien observer from the nearest life supporting star system. When they remove you from court, threaten to write “unremarkable” on your report.

2. Tell them you are from a terrorist cell and that you hope find new recruits.

3. Exclaim that you have civic duty in your pants and everybody is invited.

4. Use snide remarks, “Boring! When do we get to sell our story to US Today?”

5. Play cell phone games. Hide at least five spare phones on your person.

6. If male, tell them you are only here to pick up chicks. Bonus if the judge is female.

7. If female, tell them you only want marry a man on death row. Flirt with defendant.

8. Complain when the cast of Law & Order aren’t the attorneys. Insist that you will only answer questions from Mariska Hargitay.

9. Make disbelief noises during every witness testimony.

10. Sell drugs. Claim “it makes these things go way faster.”

Published by aaronfrale

Aaron Frale has been writing comedy for years. He won "Best Writer" as co-writer for a feature film called Hamlet: The Vampire Slayer at the B-Movie Film Fest in New York. You can check out an in depth review of Hamlet from the film critic Obscurus Lupa. Various plays, sketches, and films written by Aaron have been lurking about the Albuquerque scene. In May 2010 he received a Masters of Fine Arts in Dramatic Writing from the University of New Mexico. Music is another one of his past times. His rock band, Spiral, was rated 9 out of 10 by the DPRP for their 2011 release The Capital in Ruins. He currently resides with his wife, Felicia, and a small black dog that thinks he is a giant black dog.. Check out his personal humor blog at: https://wontchangetheworld.com/ and his rock band: http://thespiral.bandcamp.com/

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