Dancing for Jesus

I discovered what truly will be the next dance craze to sweep the nation and reinforced my belief that the rapture will be a good thing: Before you laugh or blow your own brains out (or combination thereof), hear me out. Also try to ignore the “creepy stalker voice calling you at midnight” vocal stylings,Continue reading “Dancing for Jesus”

Puppies For World Peace

I really think I need to reiterate my stance on senseless violence this week. We should really fight terrorism with baskets full of puppies. Imagine some wacko who is about to place a bomb at a crowded event, he opens the trashcan… and it’s FULL OF PUPPIES. Who could murder puppies? And what if they did murderContinue reading “Puppies For World Peace”

10 Ways to Spend the Time While on Hold

Waiting on hold sucks. Here are some ways to have it suck less: 1. Plan World Domination – Most people think, “I’d love to rule the world, but when will I have the time?” If you are waiting on hold, you can easily make the time, and you will have no moral objection to theContinue reading “10 Ways to Spend the Time While on Hold”

A Historical, Transcultural, and Sacrilicious Perspective on Gluten Free

The US could really take a lesson in hospitality from the Irish. For example, there is a little protein called gluten found in wheat, barley, and rye that causes excessive burping and anal leakage in my digestive system; This condition is commonly known as TMI. When I ask an American server about gluten free options,Continue reading “A Historical, Transcultural, and Sacrilicious Perspective on Gluten Free”