When a Bell Rings, an Elf Gets His Glock

XMAS ELFI’m sure many of you need a little cheer in your life right about now. What better way to spend your lockdown than reading about an Elf who waterboards for Santa? In my next free book to help you get through the times were are living in, enjoy Xmas Elf.

Also, Cacophony (Tuners book 3) is out. Remember, you’ll be able to get the whole series for $2 on 5/11, but i know some of you might have Kindle Unlimited or just might not want to wait that long.

Keep safe, wash your hands, and my best wishes to you and your family.

Xmas Elf: Secret Agent is on Audiobook!

Xmas Elf: Secret Agent is finally on audiobook! Did you know you can get it for free by just signing up for a free month at audible? Just click the image below and sign up for your trial. You definitely want this one because the narrator is fantastic!

Xmas Elf-AudioBook

Free on Audible!

Xmas Elf is Blowing Up the Charts

I tweeted this last night as a joke:

Watch out George RR Martin. Xmas Elf is coming:

XmasElf-Silly

But in all seriousness, your support of the book is making it my most successful release to date. Maybe in twenty years and ten books later, HBO will make a gritty, completely serious, Xmas Elf series that will actually have a chance to compete with Game of Thrones. In the meantime, if you like this book and want to help me get it to as many people as possible, there are a few things you can do.

Tell three people you think would get a kick out of the story about the book. Seriously, just three. If they tell three, and they tell three, well you see where I’m going with this.

Leave a review on Amazon. Reviews aren’t just there to stroke my own ego. Though I do get a warm fuzzy out of the good ones and take constructive feedback from the bad ones. Reviews, especially on Amazon, determine if a book disappears and fades away or continues to reach more people. Don’t just do it for me. Do it for any musician, writer, podcaster, artist, etc. that you love. It’s how creative work gets discovered.

Last thing you can do is buy it as a gift. While it is still 99 cents until 12/1/18, it’s a good deal to share the gift of laughter!

Finally, I got the title of my next book: The Robin Hood of Couches. A sci-fi, murder mystery, comedy.

Thank you all for your support. I appreciate it.

Xmas Elf Only 99 Cents

XMAS ELFGet Xmas Elf: Secret Agent for 99 cents from now till 12/1/18 (US and UK only). That’s not all, Time Burrito will also only be 99 cents too! Why fight the holiday crowds when you can buy everyone you know a kooky Christmas caper for a buck? Amazon has a buy for others button. All you need is their email address. Here’s the description:

As one of Santa’s Elite Fixers, Jing spends most of his time waterboarding greedy toy manufacturers or responding to terrorists holding Rudolph for ransom. While not on the job, he relaxes in the North Pole, a paradise where he can forget all the killing and bloodshed and curl up to some Christmas music and hot cocoa.

Until a rogue group of elves betrays Santa and threatens what should have been a pleasant Christmas.

Every time a bell rings, an elf gets his Glock.

Note: Use discretion for children under 13. There is a bit of violence in the book (no worse then what you can read in the first chapter).

Watch out for the sounds of sleigh bells in the distance this holiday season,

Christmas Needs an Enema.

XMAS ELFGet Xmas Elf: Secret Agent today! The combination of comedy and adventure make it a perfect gift for that office party or for friends and family. Put a smile on their face when they see this season’s most ridiculous holiday story. The paperback will qualify for Amazon Prime shipping, so you know you’ll get it in time for Christmas. The kindle edition will be on sale next week. I’ll let you know when the sale starts. Here’s the description:

As one of Santa’s Elite Fixers, Jing spends most of his time waterboarding greedy toy manufacturers or responding to terrorists holding Rudolph for ransom. While not on the job, he relaxes in the North Pole, a paradise where he can forget all the killing and bloodshed and curl up to some Christmas music and hot cocoa.

Until a rogue group of elves betrays Santa and threatens what should have been a pleasant Christmas.

Every time a bell rings, an elf gets his Glock.

Still not convinced? Download a free preview in this group giveaway!

Note: Use discretion for children under 13. There is a bit of violence in the book (no worse then what you can read in the first chapter).

Have a fun and safe holiday season.