Xmas Elf: Secret Agent is on Audiobook!

Xmas Elf: Secret Agent is finally on audiobook! Did you know you can get it for free by just signing up for a free month at audible? Just click the image below and sign up for your trial. You definitely want this one because the narrator is fantastic!

Xmas Elf-AudioBook

Free on Audible!

Xmas Elf Only 99 Cents

XMAS ELFGet Xmas Elf: Secret Agent¬†for 99 cents from now till 12/1/18 (US and UK only). That’s not all, Time Burrito will also only be 99 cents too! Why fight the holiday crowds when you can buy everyone you know a kooky Christmas caper for a buck? Amazon has a buy for others¬†button. All you need is their email address.¬†Here’s the description:

As one of Santa’s Elite Fixers, Jing spends most of his time waterboarding greedy toy manufacturers or responding to terrorists holding Rudolph for ransom. While not on the job, he relaxes in the North Pole, a paradise where he can forget all the killing and bloodshed and curl up to some Christmas music and hot cocoa.

Until a rogue group of elves betrays Santa and threatens what should have been a pleasant Christmas.

Every time a bell rings, an elf gets his Glock.

Note: Use discretion for children under 13. There is a bit of violence in the book (no worse then what you can read in the first chapter).

Watch out for the sounds of sleigh bells in the distance this holiday season,

Christmas Needs an Enema.

XMAS ELFGet Xmas Elf: Secret Agent today! The combination of comedy and adventure make it a perfect gift for that office party¬†or for¬†friends and family.¬†Put a smile on their face when they see this season’s most ridiculous holiday story. The paperback will qualify¬†for Amazon Prime shipping, so you know you’ll get it in time for Christmas. The kindle edition will be on sale next week. I’ll let you know when the sale starts. Here’s the description:

As one of Santa’s Elite Fixers, Jing spends most of his time waterboarding greedy toy manufacturers or responding to terrorists holding Rudolph for ransom. While not on the job, he relaxes in the North Pole, a paradise where he can forget all the killing and bloodshed and curl up to some Christmas music and hot cocoa.

Until a rogue group of elves betrays Santa and threatens what should have been a pleasant Christmas.

Every time a bell rings, an elf gets his Glock.

Still not convinced? Download a free preview in this group giveaway!

Note: Use discretion for children under 13. There is a bit of violence in the book (no worse then what you can read in the first chapter).

Have a fun and safe holiday season.

Christmas Is Here

XMAS ELFAnd we all know the old adage “Every time a bell rings, an elf gets his Glock.” This Christmas, get ready for a comedic romp through the underbelly of the holiday season where one elf learns that killing and torturing isn’t the only way to solve a problem. It will be available¬†in paperback, audiobook, and kindle on Black Friday (11/23/18). Here’s a short description:

As one of Santa’s Elite Fixers, Jing spends most of his time waterboarding greedy toy manufacturers or responding to terrorists holding Rudolph for ransom. While not on the job, he relaxes in the North Pole, a paradise where he could forget all the killing and bloodshed and curl up to some Christmas music and hot cocoa.

Until a rogue group of elves betrays Santa and threatens what should have been a pleasant Christmas.

You can pre-order today! Thank you to all who helped me pick a cover! I appreciated all the feedback and considered all of it.

Also, did you remember to leave your review for Atmospheric Pressure 1 & 2? Reviews help out a whole bunch.

Last, but not very least, the first five stories of the Teristaque Chronicles will be on sale for 99 cents until 10/11/19 (US & UK only), and I’m also giving away the first story in the series for free¬†in a group giveaway with many different authors giving their stuff away for free too.

Thank you for all of your support.

Help Me Decide on a Cover.

My next book will be coming out this Christmas, and for those of you who loved Time Burrito,¬†I have some good news for you. It is another action-packed comedy. This one is a little different. It’s about an Elf who is one of Santa’s Elite Fixers (a special unit that is a mix of¬†MI6, Navy SEALs, and Yakuza). However, before I can release the book, I need to decide on a cover. If you could take a look at all the potential covers and give me your feedback, I’d appreciate it. You can see them here.

Also the original Atmospheric Pressure has broken top 100 in the Amazon free store!  Thank you all for being so supportive of my writing.

Guess what? ORION will be 99 cents from now till Sept 15th (US and UK only).

Thank you again and don’t forget to give me your feedback on my next book cover.

Aaron

Dr. Mew

I am going to take my traditional December break from blogging. But not without leaving you a meme created by my wife staring our cat:

Dr. Mew

As with the Wontchangetheworld tradition, I will leave you with a holiday cut and pasteable quote for your holiday emails:

“Twas the night before Christmas and my new Nosler Varmageddon AR hunting assault rifle¬†got me eight trophies.”

Happy Kwanzaa everybody.

Happy End of the World Holidays

I usually take the month of December off from blogging. Due to some special Spiral related projects, my month will start now. I also always leave you with some catchy phrase you can cut and paste into your Christmas emails:

“Santa scares me. That creep watches me while I’m sleeping. He knows when I’m awake! So I¬†served him a restraining order.”

Here is also a bit of advice for the upcoming end of the world this Friday:

“Duck.”