Xmas Elf is Blowing Up the Charts

I tweeted this last night as a joke:

Watch out George RR Martin. Xmas Elf is coming:

XmasElf-Silly

But in all seriousness, your support of the book is making it my most successful release to date. Maybe in twenty years and ten books later, HBO will make a gritty, completely serious, Xmas Elf series that will actually have a chance to compete with Game of Thrones. In the meantime, if you like this book and want to help me get it to as many people as possible, there are a few things you can do.

Tell three people you think would get a kick out of the story about the book. Seriously, just three. If they tell three, and they tell three, well you see where I’m going with this.

Leave a review on Amazon. Reviews aren’t just there to stroke my own ego. Though I do get a warm fuzzy out of the good ones and take constructive feedback from the bad ones. Reviews, especially on Amazon, determine if a book disappears and fades away or continues to reach more people. Don’t just do it for me. Do it for any musician, writer, podcaster, artist, etc. that you love. It’s how creative work gets discovered.

Last thing you can do is buy it as a gift. While it is still 99 cents until 12/1/18, it’s a good deal to share the gift of laughter!

Finally, I got the title of my next book: The Robin Hood of Couches. A sci-fi, murder mystery, comedy.

Thank you all for your support. I appreciate it.

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Time Burrito is free for a limited time only.

timeburrito_kindle

Free until April 19th, 2017

Thank all of you for the huge support I’ve gotten for this project. As a thank you, the kindle edition of Time Burrito is now free on Amazon, but only for a limited time.

If you’ve read it and would like to help even more, leave a review. Or if you get a chance, tell your friends about the free download. It’s the small stuff that really helps out independent authors.

Here’s an easy to copy n’ paste link:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B06XRK86LC

Thank you again! Enjoy!

Thank you for your support of Time Burrito

timeburrito_kindleI wanted to take a moment to thank everyone who has supported Time Burrito. While you can only nominate once, there are a few things you can do during the campaign’s final days. If you’ve read the excerpt and think Time Burrito is a book you’d like to see published then share it on social media. Email a friend. Tell your mom about it, or even just show your cat the cover (trust me, he/she will be jealous). Here’s a convenient cut and pasteable form of the nomination link:

https://kindlescout.amazon.com/p/2TXN8GZWVYGW2

Thank you!

Nominate Time Burrito

teaserbigI’m attempting to get a time travel comedy called Time Burrito published with Amazon. You can help by clicking the link below, reading the excerpt, and if you’d like to see it happen, click nominate. You’ll get a free kindle copy if it’s picked. It’s simple, and you’ll make a cat flying on a space burrito very happy.

Here’s the link:
https://kindlescout.amazon.com/p/2TXN8GZWVYGW2

If you really want to help me out, post on social media or tell a friend.

A Book That Might Change The World (Or at Least One Guy’s Life) – An Interview With Aaron Frale

Check out an interview for my novel being considered on Kindle Scout. Don’t forget to vote!

Essa On Everything

Playlist of the Ancient Dead

I arrive back from lunch at my publishing house, Twilight Fan Fiction Whores, Inc. for my meeting with Aaron Frale. Aaron is a young, former indie author (my most hated kind. I hate indies. Don’t they understand that the public needs to be TOLD what they like?).

Aaron is waiting in my office when I arrive, despite the fact that I’m 45 minutes late.  That could be because he’s a laid back kind of guy, sort of a handsomer version of Seth Rogan. Or it could be because I’ve just gotten back from a 14 martini lunch and I’m blitzed out of my mind.

Publishing is a rough business.

Which is why I have one goal in mind; turn his book, regardless of what it is, into Twilight Fan Fiction. As I watch him study my posters from 50 Shades of Grey with disdain, I can only assume it’s going…

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Rumspringa

Rumspringa

A science fiction short story that will be a Spiral song.

My first memory was my wife’s suicide. The day was sunny and almost pleasant. The crisp air and the smell of the ocean dominated my senses. I was on the edge of a deep forest wild with growth. About fifty feet from the forest was a seaside cliff. There were jagged and ruthless rocks down below. The sea breathed in waves crashing below. My wife stood dressed in a flowing white wedding dress at the edge of the cliff looking at the rocks that looked as if they would grab her into the depths.

I was paralyzed at the forest edge. Every muscle wanted to scream out, but nothing could propel me forward. I didn’t know why I was here or why she stood at the edge transfixed by the abyss below. My memory was blank, but I still had feelings from my previous existence. All that I knew was that I cared for the woman about to jump. I wanted to stop her. There must have been something calling and tempting her to jump. The moment of paralytic fear passed, and I was able to run.

She slowly turned her head tilting at an awkward angle to face me, almost like she was a puppet on a string. My blood boiled tearing through a distance that seemed like a marathon’s length when in reality was only a couple more yards to go. She smiled a beautiful full smile. It was the kind of smile that would light up a room and strike people in their heart. She smiled as if she had nothing but pure joy to share with the world. Her smile tumbled with her as her body went limp and dropped off the edge. My fingers barely touched her flowing dressed as she went over the cliff. The smile faded into an expression of contentment as she disappeared into the rocky sea.

My momentum tossed me forward and over the edge. I skittered to a halt by gripping the jagged cliff side. My arms were the only thing keeping me from joining my wife in the deep. My feet dangled into a void. Part of me felt guilty for my willpower to live. I felt as if I should join her. My weight and angle was too much to pull myself back up the cliff. Just when I thought I would join her, several masculine tuxedoed arms dragged me away from the edge.

The men who pulled me up were all young, hearty, and looked like groomsmen. That’s when I noticed that I was wearing a tuxedo too. It was torn from my stumble and covered in dust. My nose bled and body ached. One of the men shoved a flask in my face. I took a sip and cringed from the burn of the drink. He nodded, and I drank more. I handed the flask back, and more wedding guests began popping out of the forest.

My wedding seemed to have been well attended, as there were many families and many people coming from the woods. I could not remember any of them. All I knew is that the person who had jumped was my wife. She was dead, and now I would have to break the news to the people I didn’t remember. I hoped one of the groomsmen who pulled me up from the cliff saw the event and would explain. I wanted nothing more than to be alone.

“Where’s Aida? Where’s my daughter?” A middle-aged woman in a blue mother of the bride dress asked. The groomsmen shrugged. She turned towards me for an explanation.

“She jumped off the cliff.” I said and started to cry. I couldn’t help myself. I loved that woman. The mother of bride loved her too. She grew feint and was caught by one of the groomsmen. She began to wail. More people began to pop out of the forest with dismayed expressions. The next week was a blur.

To continue reading get the full story here.