Insult Therapy

This week, I’ve dusted off an old short film I wrote. There wasn’t really much of a soundtrack on the film so it was an unique opportunity to slap some Spiral songs on it. So it’s a rare combination of my comedy and my rock band. Enjoy and share it if you laughed either at or with it:

The Dead Art of Channel Surfing

I am going to Ireland this weekend. So this blog will be put on hold for a while.  Last time I went to Europe, I wrote a piece about how to get kicked out of Europe. For Ireland, I figure I’d write about something I won’t being doing while I am there-watching TV.  With Hulu and Netflix, I never seem to lack something to view. But I can remember the days of owning cable with triple digit channels and nothing to watch. Here is all the television I’ll will not see while in Ireland. An ode to the dead art of channel surfing:

click.

Announcer: Hey kids! It’s that time again!

KIDS: Time for Uncle Happy’s Fun Land!

Uncle Happy stumbles out. Drunk.

Uncle: Fuck you. The bitch says that I owe child support! I fucking support kids all fucking day.

Kid One: Gee Whiz, You’re drunk again Uncle Happy.

Kid Two: That means it’s time for…

KIDS: Hide-the -FLASK! Yayyy!

The kids roar with laughter as they hide Uncle Happy’s flask.

Click.

Déjà vu: The sensation you've done something before. Déjà vu: The sensation you've done something before.

We are like the Groundhog’s Day of romantic comdies.

Tom Hanks: You know. I’m not really that attracted to you. I just don’t see what’s the big deal.

Meg Ryan: Shut up! You don’t have to be! I represent every woman!

Lzzy Hale: Not me.

Meg Ryan: I’m not talking to you! Now go and ponder about how the right one is out there and we will barely miss connecting until the end.

Tom Hanks: But we always do this! Can’t we do a different movie for a change?

Meg Ryan: No! Now go check your email.

Tom Hanks: But…

Meg Ryan: GO CHECK YOUR EMAIL!

click.

Chris Harrison: This week, the bachelor has sex with three different women within twenty four hours of each other in order to find his one true love.

The Bachelor: Life is so hard when you’re the bachelor!

Women: We have low self-esteem.

click.

It's just a neck rub... shut up.

This is actually a masturbation photograph. A real man’s penis fights back.

Rambo is chained to a wall and being tortured by cartel thugs. They punch him in the face while they talk.

Thug One: You know, I think you got a real shot at governor.

Rambo: You think so?

Thug Two: Arnold did it. Jesse Ventura did it. That’s like half the cast of Predator.

Thump! Bap!

Rambo: You have a point.

Thug One: It’s something to think about. Mull it over.

Thug Two: It’s an 80’s action star thing to do.

Thump! Wack!

Rambo: True.

Thug One: Very good, now get the red hot ass poker.

click.

Tom Hanks looks like he has been on a desert island. He talks to Wilson the volleyball in a grass hut.

Tom Hanks: You wouldn’t believe what I’ve had to do to get away from “you know who”.

There is a rustle outside. We hear Meg Ryan’s voice.

Meg Ryan: Tom? Is that you?

Tom Hanks: Shit. Cover for me!

Tom sneaks out the back. Meg walks in.

Meg Ryan: Have you seen Tom?

No response from Wilson. He’s just a volley ball.

Meg Ryan: What do you mean I just missed him! I told you to keep him busy.

No response.

Meg Ryan: Oh, I can’t stay mad at you.

No response.

Meg Ryan: Has anyone told you that you have such friendly eyes?

click.

A senator is at the podium.

I wonder if they have crazy hat day?

Ha! I said Boehner!

Senator: It’s a good thing that the public doesn’t watch C-SPAN, or they’d know about the bullshit that goes on around here. Am I right? Am I right? But seriously folks, it’s time for some business. Ever notice how New York and Chicago both claim to have the best pizza on the planet? If they could only make that claim about their football teams!

Newt Gringrich does a rimshot.

Senator: Thank you. Thank you! You are beautiful folks. So my girlfriend left me today…

click.

Gary Busey sits in the Governor’s office.

Celebrity governors are an untapped national resource.

Best governor ever… think about it

Gary Busey: I’m Gary Busey and I’m going to be your governor! The best fucking governor you’ve ever had.

Rambo enters, ready for office.

Rambo: But I was supposed to do that.

Meg Ryan: Don’t worry Wilson. The Governor will marry us. I love you Wilson, you’re just so obedient.

click.

Eat, Drink and Be Larry

All this Hamlet The Vampire Slayer happenings makes me nostalgic for the Eat, Drink and Be Larry days. The days when doing the fine art of theatre involved dressing up like Yoda:

Yoda

Emperor Palpatine goes to a used clone army salesman

I always find comedy to be fascinating in that it’s always part of the fringe.  For example, there is a theatre group in Albuquerque called Tricklock (the gentleman in the hat on the right is a member). They are internationally known, bring in acts from Europe and likewise take shows there.

Eat, Drink, and Be Larry’s closest connection to Europe was a German guy sent us a film for our tiny little film festival at the Guerrilla Tango (the now defunct theatre where we did the later half of our shows). We got so excited; we changed the name from The First Guerrilla Tango Film Festival to The First International Guerrilla Tango Film Festival. Which of course is a silly act because of our singular foreign film.

For us comics, we were sort of the bastard step children of the stage world. Most people look at a show as method to express emotions, political beliefs, or abstract intellectual ideas. We looked at it as a way for Dracula to give his three female vampires a full grown man wearing a diaper in parody of the Francis Ford Coppola’s baby eating Dracula.

Eat, Drink and Be Larry

The Eat, Drink and Be Larry crew

We really couldn’t take anything seriously. In fact, writing sketches was fueled by people that took themselves way to seriously. I remember a series of sketches I wrote about Steve from Blue Clues investigating really heinous murders with the same doofy kids show gusto. So maybe we did take comedy very seriously. The premise must seem like it’s real in order to be funny. But since the end result is silly, comedy stays on the fringe.

Sketch acts aren’t looking for prestige because there is little be had in late night theatre where Ophelia drowns herself in a bowl of water. But we are looking for that connection with the audience. A well crafted joke can create a moment shared by an entire a room full of people. For a brief period of time, the comic is connected with everyone in a emotional event that can be only described as joy. The performer and audience alike become part of an experience greater than themselves. The allure of comedy is being part of that fringe.