I Ain’t No Folla Back Girl #amwriting

The twitter verse has a measure of success, the follower. Having a lot of followers means you are awesome! 50k followers means that there is a small city worth of people who hang on your every word and retweet your brilliant brainerisms (or Brianisms if you retweet your buddy Brian a lot). However, despite the overwhelming number of people receiving your twitter feed, you’re maybe lucky if one person favorites a post, and that person found it through a hashtag. That’s why I don’t follow people merely on the fact that they follow me.

What really matters in the social networking world are engaged followers. If person with 50k followers is following 50k people themselves, what are the chances that they’ll see one tweet among the thousands posted that day by their daily deluge of followers? A new follower means more when they followed you because they wanted to read your tweets rather than a numbers padding exchange.

She ain't no folla back girl too!

Gwen Stefani does not approve of mindless following.

I always seem to get new followers who follow many people themselves. They always unfollow me after a couple days when I don’t follow them back. Having high social networking numbers doesn’t mean anything if most of the people aren’t reading my tweets anyway. I’d rather have twenty people who are engaged, than 5,000 who also follow 5,000.

The secret behind growing your twitter feed with active people is pretty simple, engage your followers. Make sure you stop by their twitter feed to say hi, strike up a conversation, retweet something you enjoy, and most of all, don’t expect anything in return. An retweet pile of unengaged followers does nothing for you. However, a retweet because you think your followers may actually enjoy the material, that’s the key to interaction.

So follow me if you wish, but keep in mind I ain’t no folla back girl.

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15 Facebook Buttons You Won’t See Soon

FACE! Book?

For a tool designed to simplify people’s lives, it seems to complicate it.

Facebook really needs a more realistic approach to their design. Each time they reinvent the interface, they always miss out on a chance to really have it more fully compatible for people’s lives. Here are a few buttons Facebook lacks for a truly more pragmatic social experience:

1. Having an Affair With – You have the married and in a relationship buttons but lack the affair button. I don’t think Facebook adequately represents some people’s social lives without one!

2. Also Married To – Polygamist relationships can be really rocky when they have to choose just one wife for Facebook. There is enough jealousy without picking one to represent the marriage.

3. Meh – Why is it always in terms of like and dislike? Why not ambivalence? Wouldn’t you want a button to express your extreme disinterest into your peers day to day thoughts and activities.

4. Masterbating – Facebook encourages chatting by telling all your friends when you are online. But what if you are just cruising Facebook for masturbatory purposes? You really need a button to let all your friends know that you aren’t looking at your best friends hot cousin’s photo because you wanted to know how she spent her summer vacation.

5. Jailbait – Your best friend needs a way to politely remind you about the age of their hot cousin.

6. Drunk – Streams of depressing rants, embarrassing photos, and anything you need to disappear can go into a spam like folder and spare you and your friends the embarrassment of dealing with it.

7. Polite A.I. Response – Ever caught in an online conversation with someone who rarely seems to have a point, has plenty to say, and never understands that polite one or two word responses really mean, “I’d rather light fire to my eyeballs than continue this conversation.” Polite A.I. Response Button will save you the Lasik surgery.

8. Behavior Tags – Facebook seems to lack tags like asshole or leech. Why tag a photo with someone’s name when you can identify them with behavior everyone will recognize?

9. Blur Face – Once you join witness protection, your social networking days are over. Any mafia hit man can just cruise Facebook and find your face. Unless you blur it. Also helpful for parties you’d rather forget.

10. Ass Shove – For every poke, farm request, and help me make Zynga rich request, you have one convenient button to tell them where to shove it.

11.  Profile Picture Changer – Why go to all the trouble to think for yourself when you can just follow the crowd? When a social cause propagates through Facebook, why not just have Facebook use the most popular profile pic among your friends as your own? It will be even funnier if we all change our profile picture to monkey asses after the Picture Changer goes live.

12. Stupid – This button really has too many uses to mention but wouldn’t it be great if you could warn your friends when they post drunken party pictures the night before their DWI trial?

13. Idiot – Most idiots are completely unaware that crap like, “She should have been wearing a longer skirt” or “Gays really need to make a different lifestyle choice” are simply just crap. So the idiot button would change whatever they post to “blah blah blah blah” or fart noises if there is audio. It will let those looking for an intelligent discussion have a chance to ignore the bullshit.

14. Validate Me – Some friends seek approval for their existence by irritating friends with all the drama they could probably avoid if they stop seeking it out. The Validate Me button will cut the engagement time required for validating their existence.

15. Vomited in My Mouth – I think everyone could use a “I just vomited in my mouth” button every once in a while.