10 Uses For Spy Satellites

Apparently, Jay-Z and Beyonce are going to make a music video in space. Why not make a video from space and skip the costly space flight tab? Considering spy satellites can find a quarter on the street, why not put them to good use?

1. A ballistic targeting system zooming in on Rick Perry’s head.

2. A satellite zoom over an all male nudist colony switching quickly to an all female nudist colony then back to the male one after the commanding officer leaves the room.

3. Read over someone’s shoulder. He will look annoyed up into space. Then position the book so the satellite can’t see it.

4. Who needs sports cable packages when you have spy technology?

5. Nuclear warhead cam chasing terror dictators using comical techniques from cartoons. For example, when the dictator runs inside, the warhead knocks on door pretending to be a charitable organization.

6. The pants down for Google Earth movement didn’t go very far.

7. Zoom as if you are a sky diver whose chute doesn’t open. Zoom in and out for comical bouncing effect. Cut to plane to try again. Make sure to have fifties announcer voice “The kooky skydiver doesn’t learn! Whoa boy! He is at it again!”

8. Insist that sandwiches are an alien conspiracy. Spy on picnics for hidden communique.

9. SOPA and PIPA regulators _________________________________________ monkey_____________bar stool_________________three quarts___________!

10. No more naked yard work. Phooey.