Dancing for Jesus

I discovered what truly will be the next dance craze to sweep the nation and reinforced my belief that the rapture will be a good thing:

Before you laugh or blow your own brains out (or combination thereof), hear me out. Also try to ignore the “creepy stalker voice calling you at midnight” vocal stylings, and really think about this video. Lawnmowers have nothing to do with Jesus or leaning. Old people… in sports car… brain melting… STOP! Never mind–don’t think about the video! Just trust that it will be the next dance craze. It has dance moves so simple that any idiot could do it.

Bystander One: Is he doing the Jesus Lean or having a seizure?

Bystander Two: Better call the paramedics to be safe.

When you look at dance crazes throughout history like the Twist, the Macarena, the not really a dance craze but Gotta Poop Bad Wiggle, they all are pretty simple moves. The higher skill required to preform the dance move, the less likely the dance will ever catch on. That’s why the MIT school of dance never really made it.

Hey! Maca--wormhole!

Einstein’s original notes on relativity explain time dilation occurs with bodies in motion.

Dancer: I’m investigating the possibility of Quantum Entanglement connecting parallel universes through dance using the song Fame. The control in my experiment will be the average man off the street.

Helmet Man: I’m wearing a helmet! Fame–live forever–fame…

Helmet Man dances in a fashion which looks like a seizure.

Dancer: I don’t know why I even try…

In order for the dance to catch on and become a wedding and Christmas party tradition like the Electric Slide or the Bunny Hop, the dance moves must be simple. The Jesus Lean, is about a simple as you can get. Even Helmet Man could learn the dance.

Helmet Man’s limbs flail widely.

Helmet Man: Jesus lean! Lean Jesus! NA NA NA NA!

Well, almost anyone. But the point being, the secret to dance craze success is pretty clear–simple moves almost anyone can do. And like any good YouTube phenomenon, everybody will start making videos. Soon we’ll see videos such as the Buddha Bend, the Allah Allemande, the Krishna Kick, and the Jehovah Jump. Naturally, the next step will be holy wars.

Holy Warer One: I kill you in the name of the one true dance move!

Holy Warer Two: Oh yeah! My dance move is way better so you die!

Holy Warer Three: There is only one way to settle this. A holy war dance off!

Later… the contestants are sweaty.

Holy Warer One: Why don’t all Holy Wars end like this?

Holy Warer Two: Dance offs are a lot less bloody.

Jesus: It’s because my dance move sucks! The Lean? Come on! I’m going to start a crusade.

And if you thought the Jesus Lean was amazing. Check out the Christian Side Hug:

Remember folks–if man does a front hug to a woman, they’d get her pregnant. Anyone who lives a sheltered existence knows that the penis is like a spitting cobra. It can strike at anytime. Even through clothing! So you better start side hugging. In the words of the friend of a friend who discovered these videos, “I’m don’t know if they are helping Christianity so much as hurting Hip Hop.”

Ray Harryhausen and Spiral

I am speechless. Ray Harryhausen (the animator behind the 1981 classic film Clash of the Titans) agreed to let us use footage from a Little Red Riding Hood short to accompany a music video! Please enjoy the video and support the foundation to keep his works preserved.

iComedy for an iStupid Sense of Humor

We all fail sometimes. The key to failure is brushing ourselves off and accepting our failure with dignity and the profound sense of pride that you at least tried. Then you can buy a cabin in the woods and start making bombs. Because it’s the thought that counts. The thought that with a little plutonium, “They will pay. Oh yes, they will pay.” Because we know that there are other fish in the sea, which is where people will have to live when you are done with….




I’ve written sketch comedy and even a feature length comedy film. I’d figure that I’d know what is funny. And I really thought I found the funny in an company iPad training. We were being instructed in the use of iMovie for the iPad. I’ve created some music videos for my band in iMovie:

The class instructed us teachers to create a presentation for the students using iMovie so if we wanted the students do a similar assignment, we would know what to do. This assignment was an opportunity for the comedy. I’ve always tried to insert humor into my education. If I didn’t, I would get bored.

I remember one of my computer programming teachers in high school told me I can’t name a variable Bob. He said other programmers wouldn’t know that Bob is the Fibonacci sequence. Aside from the fact that it was a silly high school project that no other programmers would look at, I began writing stories in my programs. Bob’s cloning machine exploded and he began to replicate himself in the form of the Fibonacci sequence!

Here in my adult life, I’m at it again. How can I take what would be a boring assignment and make it funny? My comical gears began to turn and I thought of a simple equation – one that I thought was the funniest thing on the planet.

Hamlet + Chuck Norris = Manly Hamlet (Hamlet in Klingon).

So when we were given time to make our video, I whipped up a doofy little video for the project that I thought was hilarious.

While people did laugh during my presentation of the video, they didn’t laugh at the joke I thought was gold! Hamlet in Klingon is funny. Chuck Norris is also funny. Chuck playing Hamlet in Klingon –  a nuclear explosion of funny. That’s not to say the video wasn’t funny. The training group laughed during the video but they didn’t really laugh at the joke that I really wanted them to laugh at.

Which is a really important lesson for any humor writer. All you can do is write what you think is funny and hope that others share your sense of humor. And if they don’t share your sense of humor, set yourself on fire. Then who’s laughing?